


Amour Firmus

by RunningFox



Category: Californication (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 08:17:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11596671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunningFox/pseuds/RunningFox
Summary: Charlie and Hank talk and Charlie lays down some hard truths.  Hank doesn't want to listen but then he does and things get better.





	Amour Firmus

**Author's Note:**

> spoilers/post ep.; Devil's Threesome (season 1)
> 
> Amour Firmus is latin for "strong/firm/dependable love". This was supposed to be a funny/smutty fic but it turned into a romantic/non-smutty fic. Enjoy.

> LA  was chilly. At least, it seemed cold to the two men standing on the filthy sidewalk. Only thing shielding the world from their manhood being two sheets, wrapped hastily around their bodies. Hank’s sloped down his hip, revealing some of his hipbone. Charlie had his over his shoulders like some adolescent toga, covering his more ample frame. The shorter man pulled the other side up around his shoulder, protecting him from the cold. Now he resembled more of a large baby cloaked in his security blanket, Hank thought, looking at his friend. The forlorn look he wore didn’t diminish from the mental image Hank had.
> 
> Smiling with a sad acceptance, Hank walked over to Charlie, putting his arm around him.
> 
> “Now you really look like a man-baby,” Hank said, guiding both of them back towards Hank’s place. They’d been out in the cold far too long and the sweat that had cooled on their skin hadn’t helped.
> 
> With a slightly surprised but amused scoff, Charlie replied sarcastically, “Thank you. That really made me feel much better about the total destruction of my life.”
> 
> Hank said nothing but somehow the mood had actually lifted. Hank and Charlie had a way of doing that for each other. No matter how bad things got and how dire the consequences looked, they were somehow able to brighten up the moment. Just a bit but that made a world of difference. When they both made it inside, the pair of men both sank onto the couch. Each one presenting their own version of a thoughtful pout for a long moment. Hank broke the silence.
> 
> “… She had great timing, though.”
> 
> Charlie’s head slowly turned towards the other man, eyes wide with surprise and astonishment at the line. Hank stared back until just the slightest bit, he cracked a smile. This broke Charlie and the two began to laugh as though they had just been told the funniest joke in the world.
> 
> “I’m serious!” Hank sat up some, still greatly amused. He spoke while Charlie laughed, “And fantastic aim, too! I mean, it was perfect! Like a ballet!”
> 
> “Vaginal Juice Lake!” Charlie supplied, doubling over with the force of his laughs.
> 
> “A Midsummer’s Night WET Dream!” Hank shot back, eyes filled with tears.
> 
> “THE NUTCRACKER!”
> 
> Both men cackled unapologetically until their stomachs hurt and tears ran from their eyes. When the laughter subsided, the two were arguably in a better mood. Leaning back on the couch, they each caught their breath before speaking. Charlie spoke first, his tone was light despite the depressing subject matter,
> 
> “We certainly have a way with the ladies, Hank…”
> 
> “Speak for yourself, home skillet. I’m a regular modern day Don Juan.”
> 
> Charlie gave him a “don’t bullshit me” look and Hank snorted in agreement. Then said, “Alright. So, we have a little work to do in that category.”
> 
> “Some more then others,” Charlie muttered, fixing his sheet-clothing. Hank raised his eyebrow, taking the remark personally at first.
> 
> “What’s that mean?”
> 
> Charlie shrugged, resting back against the couch, Hank’s arm stretched out across the top of it.
> 
> “Well, I mean, yeah, sure. You gotta’ little issue with etiquette but, in general, you really are a regular Don Juan. You’re a fucking chick magnet. No, not even a magnet. Stronger than a magnet. A pussy superconductor. And I’m… the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I’m the giant man-baby.”
> 
> There was a pang of regret Hank felt at teasing his friend so often now. Twisting his lips, Hank’s eyebrows furrowed, “Come on now. You have that whole teddy bear thing going on. Women love that. They love a guy who they can get all snuggly with.”
> 
> “Yeah? Then why is my life such shit with them? I mean, I’m not like you, Hank. I don’t have an abundance of pussy. No overstock of pussy in the Runkle aisle! I only had two women before Marcy and then… fucking Dani. Fucking Dani…”
> 
> “Fucking Dani,” Hank confirmed. Sighing, he looked away from his friend. Not sure what to say. There was a long moment of silence before Charlie spoke again,
> 
> “I’m just not sure women work for me. I always manage to fuck it up in the end.”
> 
> “You could always switch teams.”
> 
> Charlie pursed his lips as if he was giving it thought, pretending to get into the idea, “That’s a brilliant idea. Why didn’t I think of it earlier?”
> 
> With another smile they both slipped into silence again. Charlie’s talk had gotten Hank thinking himself. Thinking about his life, thinking about his writing, thinking about Karen. Karen.
> 
> Charlie seemed to sense the change in Hank’s mood and rubbed his forehead, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make this evening worse then it already was.”
> 
> Hank came out of his reverie to look at his companion. He shook his head, silently forgiving Charlie. Hank’s mood still hadn’t gotten better, though. This time it was Charlie’s turn to help his friend.
> 
> “You know, speaking of switching teams, did I ever tell you, you were in a dream I had once.”
> 
> Hank’s head shot up, his lip curled in disgust and surprise, “Excuse me?” he said. “I’m not sure I want to hear this.” But he didn’t stop Charlie from speaking.
> 
> Charlie laughed, “No, no. I mean, we weren’t doing anything nefarious. I was getting nice and dirty with a beautiful - I mean beautiful - woman. Victoria Silvstedt.”
> 
> “Oh, nice,” Hank interjected, “Playmate of the Year.”
> 
> “1997,” Charlie concluded the statement, continuing on, “Anyway, so Victoria and I are enjoying some good, ol’ fashioned naughtiness and then, suddenly, I turn and you’re standing there. Butt naked in the middle of my bedroom.”
> 
> Hank face showed something that could be considered a mixture of confusion and amusement, “What?”
> 
> “Yeah. You’re just standing there. And I turn around back to Victoria, and I’m like, ‘I don’t know what he’s doing here’ and then I turn back to you to ask you and suddenly you’re holding a bucket of KFC, still naked, junk just hanging out there, with a drumstick in your hand, eating away at the foot of my bed while I’m trying to be a gentleman to Ms. Silvstedt.”
> 
> “That’s the most fucked up sex dream I ever heard.”
> 
> “You want to know what’s even more fucked up? I still went ahead with Victoria Silvstedt!”
> 
> Hank began to laugh and once again the mood was lifted from it’s sullen state. The two fell into a comfortable silence. It’d been a long night and the stress of it was wearing them both out. Hank rubbed his eyes, getting ready to stand up from the couch when Charlie spoke again,
> 
> “You… you ever have anything like that?”
> 
> “Like what?”
> 
> “A dream,” he shrugged, “with another guy in it.”
> 
> Hank blinked, unsure of the question for a moment. “Uuh,” he started, “Not really. Most dreams like that, I stand as the sole cock.”
> 
> Getting the sense his friend had not wanted that answer and perhaps had more to say, Hank hesitated. He dreaded asking further. If he’d wanted to go to bed earlier, now he really wanted to go but he was a friend and he had to ask,
> 
> “Um… have you?”
> 
> Charlie said nothing, looking down at an invisible spot on the couch between Hank and himself. The silence only made Hank more uncomfortable. Finally Charlie looked up but he couldn’t seem to meet Hank’s eyes,
> 
> “Well, I-I might not have actually finished with Victoria Silvstedt.”
> 
> “Oooohkaaaay,” Hank said quickly, standing up as he spoke, “Well, it’s been a long night, I think. And a very emotionally devastating one at that. I will bid you goodnight, Charlie.”
> 
> Hank made like a bat out of hell for his bedroom. He was so close, so close when Charlie spoke again,
> 
> “Hank.”
> 
> Fuck. Fuck, fuckity, fuck fuck. There was a moment when Hank had to choose what to do. Go inside his bedroom, shut the door and forget this ever happened or listen to his only friend, no matter what that meant. Hank’s feet reluctantly stopped and he turned slowly towards Charlie who stood now, too.
> 
> “Hank, I love you.”
> 
> Hank nodded as if it was obvious, “And I love you, too. You’re my brother from anotha’ mother. We’re hermanos.” It was a cheap way out but Hank wasn’t sure what else to do. He began to back up slowly, hoping he could make inside.
> 
> Charlie walked over to Hank, his steps even, as if he knew Hank might bolt any moment. It was like approaching a scared animal. Fight or flight.
> 
> “Hank, I’ve known you for… years. Years. You’ve been the only thing in my life that hasn’t turned to shit.”
> 
> “That’s because I’ve always been shit,” Hank weakly joked. He was sure he was going to bust a circuit soon. This couldn’t be happening.
> 
> Charlie laughed slightly, “You’ve always been Hank. I could count on that. After everything that’s happened… it’s getting harder and harder to pretend. Everything is such fucking shit all the time! Your life might be shit, Hank, but at least you enjoy it while the party goes up in flames. I don’t. I just… I watch it all fall apart. And I sit in the back and I want this. I want you. I love you.”
> 
> If Hank could just make sure he kept breathing, he might be able to make it out of this. Opening his mouth to speak, he shut it again suddenly. Then after a moment, he spoke again,
> 
> “W-w-what about Marc? I mean, you love Marc, Charlie. I think you’re feeling some pressure, man, and I think it’s getting to you.”
> 
> Charlie shook his head, “No, no. This has been something I’ve known for a long time, Hank. A long time and besides… I do love Marc but Marcy and I are done. It’s done. We had our time and I will always love her but, I’m not going to keep chasing this illusion, like you.”
> 
> The sting caught Hank off guard. He stared at Charlie, the moment too much for him and in a most inelegant way, he replied, “Fuck you. Fuck you, Charlie.”
> 
> With that Hank stomped away to his bedroom but it was useless as Charlie followed quickly behind,
> 
> “It’s true, Hank! It’s true! You live in this fantasy like one day you’ll wake up and everything will be better and happy again! It won’t, man! Those days have come and gone and all we can do is try to move on and make ourselves happy somehow again.”
> 
> “I’M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH KAREN!” Hank whirled suddenly, screaming.
> 
> “YOU DON’T LOVE ANYTHING, HANK!” Charlie shouted back, the relatively calm man he was gone. With Hank’s silence, Charlie kept going, his volume lowering some, “You don’t love anything. You love being loved. That’s why you want Karen, Hank, because she’s the only one who’s ever really loved you and that’s all you want again. The feeling of being truly, unquestioningly loved. That’s why you fuck so many people, that’s why you chase after the dream. I know you, Hank. I know you better then anyone. I even think I know you better then you know yourself.”
> 
> There was no response. Hank didn’t have it in him. He slowly sank to his bed, wrapping the sheet around his shoulders. Now he was the one who looked like a big baby--not a baby but a scared child, holding onto his security blanket with all his might. Despite trying to hold it back, despite feeling like a big tool, Hank felt a tear slip from his swimming eyes.
> 
> “Why are you doing this?” he asked. He couldn’t deny what Charlie said, he couldn’t fight it but he didn’t want to face it. Charlie felt deflated looking at his friend. He was more broken then he’d ever seen him. He seemed genuinely shaken by the course of events. Slowly walking over to stand in front of him, Charlie look a deep breath before speaking,
> 
> “Because I love you and I want to be happy. And because… I’ve got so much love to give, Hank. I have for a long time,” he laughed gently, looking down at the brunette, “and you need so much of it. You‘re such a fucking wreck and it‘s all you need.”
> 
> Hank looked up at that, looking at Charlie. In a moment, his breath caught as Charlie came closer to gently touch his lips to Hank’s. Hank didn’t move, didn’t breathe. He didn’t reciprocate the kiss but he didn’t deny it either. Charlie lingered, giving him time, and gradually Hank felt himself relax into it, opening to Charlie. The two remained that way for a time, exchanging years of trust and companionship through a deep but unfrenzied sliding of tongues and lips. Charlie was the one who pulled back, his hand had somehow made its way to the back of Hank’s head, his fingers in the brown locks.
> 
> “It’s like 3 in the morning. We should probably get to bed.”
> 
> Hank nodded but words were not finding him at the moment. With that Charlie released his friend and took hold of the bed’s blankets. Hank stood as Charlie pulled them back. Suddenly, Hank was struck with a sudden twinge of nervousness as Charlie partially guided him to the bed. As he sat, Hank blurted,
> 
> “I-I don’t want to do anything tonight, Charlie," he tried to cut the embarrassment with a chuckle, "Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that."
> 
> “I meant sleep, Hank. We both need to sleep.”
> 
> Hank nodded, dropping the used sheet and pulling up the blankets quickly. They’d been naked together not too long ago, attempting a threesome that ended terribly, but now it was different and Hank felt… vulnerable. Much to his surprise, Charlie moved around to the other side of the bed, dropping his sheet and getting in besides Hank. He hadn’t expected Charlie to be so assertive. He rarely was.
> 
> Despite being naked in the same bed, Charlie kept his distance, which Hank was grateful for. It wasn’t even that he didn’t want it, he thought… he thought he might but he wasn’t ready. Not yet. Everything was still too new, too fresh. This needed a slow transition.
> 
> Charlie rested on his elbow, looking at Hank. Hank was on his back, head on his pillow and he stared back. Both had no emotion. They were just looking at one another. He wasn’t sure what his face showed but it didn’t discourage Charlie. Which, surprisingly enough, Hank was also grateful for. Charlie’s, though… Charlie’s was different. Sure, it was the same face he’d known for years. The face of his best friend, his agent. The same face Charlie had always had but his eyes… his eyes were different. They shined bright with promise, with expectation. It unsettled Hank and comforted him all at the same time.
> 
> “Goodnight, Hank,” Charlie said, “I love you.”
> 
> “Goodnight, Charlie. I…” he couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come out. Charlie didn’t seem unnerved by Hank’s lack of affection. He knew. It’d take time. Hank needed time. He might be able to say them eventually but not now. He knew the man better then the man knew himself.
> 
> Lying down, Charlie didn’t look away from Hank. Each one absorbing each other in the dark. Suddenly, in this odd moment, Hank felt the corners of his mouth turn up in the smallest smile. Very small but noticeable. Charlie smiled back.
> 
> It was more then a smile. It was a small sign that perhaps everything would be okay. The two men closed their tired eyes and let the new anticipation and discovery guide them to sleep — but not before,
> 
> “Hey, Charlie?”
> 
> “Yeah?”
> 
> “… Did I at least share the fried chicken with you?


End file.
